Life's Journey

Challenges-Past, Present, Future

2009-04-07T13:18:00.002-04:00

Wow, it's been awhile since I've last posted my thoughts here. It sure hasn't been for lack of something to write; on the contrary, the last eight months have been filled with a lot going on but I've just neglected putting my thoughts down. Anyways, I wanted to write about something that has been very important to me since my milestone birthday three years ago.

I visited my doctor last week ( a specialist who I've been visiting since last May) and he offered me some great news (because this will be posted in a public forum, I will not go into detail); I'm just about at the end of my health challenge and it looks like I will come out victorious. Although it is not life-threatening, it was something that in retrospect I realize had altered my life for a very long time. I can say this now because I look and feel different which is a major blessing for me. My family and close friends know that I am very humble and don't usually brag but I feel GREAT!!! When I decided to take the steps to improve my health, not knowing the tough road ahead was a little scary. However, being as stubborn and determined as I was, the decision put in the work was an easy one. And, it's paid off. Health has always been important to me and I hope that if nothing else, I inspire others to try the same.

The Roundup

2008-08-11T10:50:00.002-04:00

Yes, I know. It's been some months since I've posted. The thoughts were there but the desire to put them on the Internet wasn't. But, here I am. Been dealing with various things and trying to put me first, even if no one else will. I'm finally getting my fibroid issue under control; the hrt therapy is really starting to work and I can see that my fibroids are beginning to shrink. For those of you who are experiencing issues with fibroids, I recommend researching all of your options. Doctors are very quick to suggest hysterectomies as that is all they know and it gains them more money than other treatments. It took a lot of research and persistence on my part to get to where I am. Ladies, keep control of your bodies; it's the only one you'll have.

On the professional aspect, I've hit a roadblock. I feel as it I just go to work now to collect a paycheck to try to keep up with the bills. It's no longer challenging and I feel as if my job doesn't know what to do with me. I'm a person that doesn't like to go to work and just do anything for the sake of doing it. My job has to be fulfilling, teach me something and leave me feeling at the end of the day like I've really accomplished something. I don't feel any of that so I'm currently taking steps to correct this and offer a solution for both me and my company. I'm a classy person and would like to remain as such.

Personally, I've been going out a little more. Not waiting for the phone to ring or someone to invite me out, just taking myself out there and meeting different people. It's a little overwhelming at times but I'm slowly getting used to it. I guess it's what happens when you've been with a person for so long that was content with being at home most of the time. Been on a few dates also but nothing worth talking about. I do however, have a couple of 'prospects' that I'm interested in so we'll see what the future brings. All I know is that I will continue to keep my heart under lock and key until the right person proves they are worthy.

Lastly, I finally received my new couch! I figure that if I'm going to stay in my current apartment for a little while longer, I may as well make it look like someone lives here. Once I get the exes boxes out of here, I'll purchase a chair or two. Then, I'll work on getting a flat screen. In the meantime, I can at least invite a couple of folk over for some food, drink and conversation without worrying where they'll sit.

Ciao for now.

Life is Like a Dance

2008-05-12T17:02:00.002-04:00

Life is like a dance. Sometimes the steps are easy to learn; sometimes they're difficult. Sometimes, the movement is fast and furious but at times it can be slow, deliberate and graceful. Both take a lot of time, practice and patience. However, if you stick with it and not give up, the end result can be very rewarding.

Random Stuff

2008-05-04T12:59:00.003-04:00

I'm at peace today and happy about it. I've talked through and resolved my differences with my bff, gotten things back on track with dealing with my fibroids and gotten all of my bills paid for the week. Then only thing lingering is this annoying sinus headache that won't seem to go away. Hopefully, the warm weather this wee will help.

I attended my bff's husband's stepshow last night and had a great time. I've been enthralled with stepping ever since I went to a show back in the 90s. It's mesmerizing to see these men and women step with such precision and grace. If my life had been a little different and I attended college earlier in life, I most likely would've been one of those people. However, my fate was towards a different direction and it's only now that I'm beginning to understand what that is.

Off to do some serious cooking and cleaning!

Am I a True Friend?

2008-04-20T18:17:00.003-04:00

I like to consider myself as such. Granted, I've been terrible in the past with putting up the effort to maintain friendships and some of them have suffered because of it. But, as I've matured and learned to understand just how important my friends are to me, I feel that I've turned things around. I keep my circle of friends small because there are only a few people around me who I can count on through thick and thin. These select few are my comrades and I know that if needed, they would be right by my side. So, I try to do the same. Treat them the way that I'd want to be treated.

So, what do you do when you discover something that makes you feel as if one of those people are distancing themselves from you for some unknown reason? Especially if you have no clue if you're to blame for the sudden shift? What if you were told one thing and then found out it wasn't what it seemed. How should you react. I don't know.

What I do know for sure is that it doesn't lessen the hurt that I feel at the moment.

New Year, New Perspective

2008-01-10T12:43:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to become better and blog more often, not for anyone else but me. It's part of my new perspective on life. I've decided to try harder at not letting everything get to the core of me. Those of you who know Libras know that we are people who feel deeply, love deeply and hurt just as deeply. However, those things take a lot of energy and I'd rather concentrate on the things that will help me become a better person. So, in 2008 I've pledged the following for myself-

1. Continue to take care of my health and strive towards my weight goals
2. Pursue my quest of becoming a homeowner
3. Surround myself with positive people
4. Let go of negative energy
5. Take the next step professionally in my life

Everything else is gravy!!

Martinis for the Soul

2007-12-22T18:35:00.000-05:00

Last night, I had the privilege of spending some time with my closest friends. You must understand that in today's world true, genuine, no-nonsense, will tell you like it is people are hard to come by. They're even harder to keep. But the classy group that I hung out with last night proves that it's still possible. Everyone just wanted to wind down from the stresses that life takes part of and enjoy some time to relax. We double-fisted martinis, courtesy of the Loft, had a great meal and just reveled in some great conversation. Then, we headed over to this spot that was embedded with youths who were born during the eighties (which happens to be my son's era!). It's been dubbed the 'hot box' for several reasons. The music though, was reminiscent of all the jams that I used to listen to and buy daily. The youngins reminded a lot of myself when I was their age.

I had an awesome time hanging with my homies. So, for all of you folks who are blessed to be surrounded by awesome friends, nurture those relationships so that they'll last a lifetime because that's what life is about. Can't wait to do it again in 2008!!!

Holiday Spirit

2007-11-30T11:58:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow begins December which starts the countdown to the holidays, beginning with Hannukah. December also signifies the ending of another year. Man, time has been flying by pretty fast. One difference that I've noticed about myself this year is that surprisingly, I'm in the holiday spirit early. Usually, I find it to be stressful so soon after Thanksgiving but I'm actually looking forward to the festivities. To such an extent that I may even start my holiday shopping early...like this weekend. Now, for me, that's a stretch because I HATE to get caught up in the Xmas shopping crowd. I usually wait until a few days before Christmas, list in hand and tackle it in one or two days. However, this year I'm taking a considerable amount of time off so I can start on it now and leisurely get it done fairly soon. Unfortunately, I can't afford to spend a lot on gifts this year but I try to get at least one gift for each person in my immediate family. And, I'm thinking about doing some serious baking for my family and close friends, something I haven't done in a minute. Hell, I may even put up a Christmas tree! Yeah, the holiday spirit has definitely gotten hold of me!

Christmas is definitely on it's way!

Holiday Spirit

2007-11-30T11:58:00.000-05:00

Reflections

2007-11-20T11:51:00.000-05:00

Damn, it's been a hot minute since I've last blogged. I'll get it together and start putting something down on a regular basis again. The thoughts have been there but sometimes, it's just easier to keep them to myself.

I had my yearly review yesterday and came away with the feeling of knowing for sure that's it's time for me to enter the next phase in my life/career. Don't get me wrong, the review was excellent and I'm in a better place than this time last year. However, the money isn't right and I took the first step and admitted to my manager that although I'm content with my job, I'm not happy. And happiness is much more important to me than any dollar amount.

So, I've decided that since I have a substantial amount of time off from work coming within the next month, I will use it constructively and study for my IT certifications that I've put off until now. I'd gone on a few job interviews earlier in the year and although I did not get any of the positions, it was mainly due to my lack of having these certs (prospective employers were kind enough to inform me of such). In order to be able to market myself properly and attain the position that will enhance my career, I need them. I've been putting it off because I'd found a certain 'comfort' level at work. However, that comfort level will not afford me the opportunity to do reach my remaining goals in life. The time has come for me to move on.

Speaking of moving on, a little while ago a wave of sadness washed over me. It's not the first time it's happened lately and I think that I know the cause. It's been a little over a year since I broke up with my boyfriend (Terry) and around the holidays, I've been thinking about him alot. Don't get me wrong, I am not considering a reconciliation as I know that this is what was needed for me to move on and hopefully, find the person who wants to spend a lifetime with me. He just wasn't that person and thinking about that sometimes makes me sad. He looked forward to spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, sometimes more than I did. We didn't do anything out of the norm but it was the intereaction with people that love you the most that me him feel most at ease. He has his own family who he loves but they don't keep in contact like I do with mine. So, holiday time was major family time. I miss those times but I know as the years move forward, I'll miss them less and less.

I reflect a lot during this time of the year as it allows me to look back on what I've done and what to look forward to in the years ahead.

Peace for now.....

Are the 40s Really the New 30s?

2007-10-04T23:22:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm in the last few minutes of being forty years-old. There was a point in my life when I wasn't sure that I would adjust to leaving the thirties. I was determined to remain 'thirtysomething' forever. However, when I turned 38 and faced the fact that I couldn't turn back the clock, I welcomed the forties with open arms. Tonight, as I sit here and look back on all that I'd accomplished as a thirty-something year-old, I embrace the fact that I'm about to turn 41. I have a LOT more in life to accomplish, I feel relatively healthy, I'm damned sexy and I've made difficult decisions in my time that few would admit to.

Yeah, the forties are the new thirties....I thank GOD for blessing me with another year :)!

Hurricane Katrina

2007-08-29T11:10:00.000-04:00

Today marks the second Anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. It's amazing how fast time flies. Two years ago this time, my family and I were scrambling to make arrangements to flee this storm that devastated a great deal of New Orleans, Mississippi and other states.

Upon reflection, this was a scary time and I'm extremely grateful the me and my family were able to make it safely home. It was rocky at times (literally and figuratively) but we made it. Til this day, I wonder what would've happened if the captain of our cruise ship wasn't able to stay ahead of the storm. I count my blessings everyday and pray for the families who were affected by this tragedy.

Music Makes It All Better

2007-08-14T00:47:00.000-04:00

Events in my life have left me in a less than happy frame of mind of late. I've compensated by listening to music all day and most of the night. Tonight, I attended a concert in BK where the special guest was Ms. Anita Baker. Her voice is always soothing and she knows just the right song to sing to make one forget about their problems. I really enjoyed myself and it was a dose of what I needed. Music really does make it all better.

My Good Deed

2007-07-22T19:36:00.000-04:00

After lunch today with my extended family, I headed to the mall for a bit. It was such a beautiful Sunday afternoon that I didn't want to waste it sitting at home. Heaven knows, I've spent enough Sundays holed up in my apartment like a hermit with no life. This was partly because of the person I was with at the time, partly because I didn't know any better. Time has shown that I've grown, in a sense.

Anyways, I needed to replace the blender that I currently have. This will be my third one in six or seven months. Since I've been trying to change my eating habits and stay away from a lot of junk foods, I found my substitute- smoothies. Smoothies are delicious, healthy (at least the way I make them) and refreshing during these hot (and sometimes humid) days. The blender has been getting a lot of mileage and I know see that the $19.99 choice is no longer taking care of my needs. So, I went to my favorite household joint, Bed Bath and Beyond to pick up one that would last a little longer. I found one that I thought would do the trick and proceeded to the checkout line. While waiting to be rung up, an older man ask me which paper I'd receive the coupon that I held in my hand. I replied that it came in the mail. He stated that his daughter had one so he would see if she could bring it use on his purchase. I pondered for a moment and remembered that I also had a coupon to Linen N'Things, which is their competitor. They take competitor coupons as long as it wasn't a copy. Since I wasn't going to use it and it expired today, I gave it to the gentleman. He gave me a big smile and thanked me.

I then paid for my purchase and headed over to the Shoprite next door to pickup a few things for dinner and for my lunch for the week. As I was heading to the cashier, I saw the same man. He again thanked me and explained how the 20% coupon came right on time and saved him money. He offered to buy me a soda and pay for some of my groceries but I politely declined.

I felt good that I'd done a good deed for the day as I try to help out whenever I can. Blessings given are Blessings received.

Let's Dance!

2007-07-22T10:31:00.000-04:00

I met up with TD and company on Friday night for some dancing at the Canal Room. I hadn't been out dancing in quite awhile and I'll admit that at first, I wasn't going to go. It wasn't for lack of hanging with my Sis, it's just that I'd had an awful week at work and in dealing with issues at home, I felt drained. But, I'm glad that I changed my mind because I had a great time. After debating over what I would wear (look, I'm still fairly new at this being on my own thing), I put together a comfortable but yet flirty outfit that I thought would work. I was correct.

As I stepped onto the bus to take me to the PATH train, a caucasian guy, maybe in his late thirties, early forties kept eyeing me on the low. He didn't think that I knew that he was looking my way but I caught him and he gave me this sheepish grin. I know that the girls were somewhat on display (done purposely), so all I could do was chuckle to myself.

Once I got on the train, the car that I rode in was somewhat empty. So, I pulled out my phone and started playing games. The conductor saw me and remarked that we had similar phones. Since I was sitting and he was standing, his gaze was somewhere between my phone and the girls. It was all good, though.

At the club, the music was pumping, the drinks were decent and this mama got her dance on! I even was able to make a couple of young men pleased by dancing with them. I had a lot of fun and it was a welcomed release to the end of a long week.

Well, I'm off to have brunch with my peeps! Later!!!!

What Must I Do?

2007-07-22T10:24:00.000-04:00

What must I do to make things right when all we do lately is fuss and fight?
What must I do to set time back to when our relationship was more than alright?

How can we fix it if it's not too late?
Before we get to the point where we just hate?

What must I do, what must I do?

I heard one of my neighbors arguing loudly with his lady last night as I cleaned up and over and over again, he kept pleading, 'what must I do?' Those four words followed me into my subconsciousness and I awoke this morning with these words. Brought back a lot of memories of my own past relationships. Go figure.

So Beautiful

2007-07-20T10:49:00.000-04:00

'Your so beautiful
Beautiful to me
Your so beautiful
God sent you here for me
How could I have known my love for you
Would grow into something so beautiful...'

Poem by nongpoknganba khabanganba

As I walked to the bus stop this morning, a young man of Hispanic descent smiled at me and stated with his heavy accent, 'You're so Beautiful.' Now usually, it's either the old, overweight, toothless men or the men who most women would consider full of crap hollering at me. In this case however, it was a genuine compliment coming from a person who meant nothing other than to cheer me up. Then, to top things off, I passed a construction worker on the way to the office and he gave men the full effort of his smile and said good morning to me. Given the stress-filled week I've had, it was a welcomed comment!

GOD sure knows when to send the angels my way!

Later...

The Power of Inspiration

2007-06-27T10:05:00.000-04:00

I found this interesting piece while surfing the web. It's something that we all can use as we go through life's challenges-

The Power of Inspiration

INSPIRATION can be a powerful thing. It can
keep you going when all around you cries out
"quit!" It is even more powerful than motivation,
as motivation gives you your basic reasons to keep
going--it tells you why you want to do what you do,
because motivation is based on goals. These, in
turn, may be based on necessity want or desire. But
inspiration fills those reasons with hope, possibility
and enjoyment and keeps the "grind" from becoming
too grindy.

*Written by Rev. James M. Becher, Bible teacher, author of "OF SUCH IS THE KINGDOM, A Novel of Biblical Times,"

Another Asshole Gone

2007-04-15T12:01:00.000-04:00

Well, this week we saw Don Imus end his career in about thirty seconds. I can't say that I'll miss him because what he said about the Rutger's Women's Basketball team was racist, sexist and just plain dumb. And, I never liked him. But, you know what? He was verbalizing what countless others think and we (African Americans) have only ourselves to blame. Many of my peers and people in the political world voiced that he got what he deserved. In all honesty, I don't feel that he should have been fired for it. What would it change? Suspend him for a few months, make him give out his ass but would that really take away what he said or how he feels? He stated publicly that he felt that he was going to be fired because of it and that he has a lot of money so he won't suffer. So to me, it's just another dumbass off of our airwaves while countless others remain. Besides, down the road he's gonna end up on satellite radio being paid a zillion dollars to make even cruder remarks as he's done for the past few decades.

If we really want something to come from this, we need to strong-arm the executives who allow our hip-hop artists to continue to denigrate our women everyday via the radio, videos and concerts to satisfy the communities who support this garbage (y'all know who I'm referring to). As long as we continue so say these things to each other, people will feel that it's okay if they say them to us. Millions of dollars are being made each day at the expense of minorities who use and are called the b-word, n-word and worse. Unfortunately, it's African-American artists who are being used as the catalysts to promote this garbage. So, while we snap our fingers, dance to the beat and run to buy or download this crap, think about this latest incident and who really was affected by it because it sure wasn't Don Imus.

Bad Commute, Good Deed

2007-03-02T11:35:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been very lucky of late in that my commute to work hasn't been stressful or long. All that changed this morning. Due to the flooding rains, I had the commute from hell this morning. First, taking the bus to my train station was an adventure in itself. What is normally a ten to fifteen minute ride took almost a half hour (which is okay. Better to be safe). So, after my son and I get to the train, we find out that because of flooding at the WTC stop (my stop for work), there are no trains running in that direction.

For those who are not familiar with the PATH line, there are only two main ones. One runs from Newark, NJ to the World Trade Center in New York and the other runs from Hoboken in NJ to 33rd Street in NY. So, all of the trains were running along the 33rd street line. Good idea, right? UH, NO! Too much power being used at one time cause an outage. So, I had lots of company while we were stuck underground on the train 1/4 mile from the Christopher Street train stop in New York. No air, no noise, nothing. Needless to say, after about 30 minutes, people were anxious, hot and irritable. I kept my calm because I've learned that there's nothing you can do about things that you have not control over.

However, all things happen for a reason. There was a lady standing near me who looked as if she were about to faint. Another woman who was sitting nearby gave up her seat so the lady could sit down. My son had a bottle of water so I asked him to give some to her (which seemed to help along with air and the train finally moving). As it turned out, both ladies are from Plainfield, NJ (shout out to Stephanie and Nicky) and didn't know an alternate route to get to lower Manhattan. So, I told them that we were headed in that direction so they could travel along with us.

They were both grateful to me and my son for showing them another way to work so what began as a not so good commute turned into a good deed for the day!

A New Queen is Crowned

2007-02-19T22:27:00.000-05:00

The Earl of Victoria reign has officially begun. My close friend and Lil Sis, TD got married yesterday to the man of her dreams. Man, the wedding was awesome and the most pleasant one I've been to in years. The bride was magnificantly beautiful and radiant and the groom was handsome and charming. Folks, this was the fairytale wedding come true and I am so happy that I had the opportunity to take part in it.

Sis, major kudos to you! All of the planning, waiting and hard work that you and Earl put in leading up to your wedding was well worth it. I love you both and wish you many, many years of love and happiness!

Also, thank you for picking out that wonderful bridesmaid dress. Mama was looking quite divaliscious! ;)

Good Times

2007-02-06T23:07:00.000-05:00

I know, I know. I've been slacking in the blog department. Although it's been a few months since my last post, a lot has happened. Recovering from a long relationship, realizing that I'm at my peak at work, moving and prepping for my dear TD's upcoming nuptials.

Two weekends ago was her Bridal Tea and although there is dissention amongst the bridal party, things went well and she really enjoyed herself. And that's all that the ladies who played a role in it's success could ask for. Fast forward to last weekend- Bachelorette Boogie. First, we had to ensure that the covert operation remained in effect. All went well up until T minus a few hours when Miss Vic was trying to figure out how to please everyone. She is such a sweetheart cause she's constantly more concerned with other people's comfort level rather than her own. Anyways, the awesome duo of Max and Isis along with myself were able to pull off the surprise of the year (Sis, you've been Punk'd!!). We initially headed down to Second on Second where the karoake was major fun. TD was truly a queen and treated with the regality she deserves as we got her drunk, serenaded and applauded. Next, we headed down to a spot called Tribeca Cinema to our VIP spot where we shaked our booties some more.

Man, I had a lot of fun hanging out with some classy ladies! The best part of all was looking at TD's eyes and seeing that she really was happy and having fun. Good Times were had by all!

Evolving

2006-10-01T10:24:00.000-04:00

It's a dark, rainy Sunday morning and I should feel lazy and take advantage of it but somehow, I feel that I should be doing something. I have to put away my clothes from doing laundry yesterday, get a jumpstart on preparing dinner (I've been in a strong Betty Crocker mode lately) and do my hair. Maybe it's all attributed to the 'evolution' that I've felt lately. Friday, I had dinner with TD to begin the celebration of our upcoming birthdays (Happy Birthday, Sis!) and I'd mentioned that I felt that I had evolved into a better person over the past ten years of my life. I went from being celibate to being in a long-term relationship (which recently ended), I've endured two job layoffs (which led me to the IT field, my dream career), I attended and graduated from college (another dream fulfilled) while raising my son as a single mother and I've learned so much about who I am as an African-American woman in a difficult society.

Ten years ago, I didn't go out much since I really didn't have the time, money or real desire to meet and mingle with people who I didn't know well. I was content with spending my time with my studies and my family. Now, I welcome the opportunity to network with people, talk with them and get their opinions about life. Society is a complex and strange animal and I'd like to learn as much as I can about her.

In four days, I take that leap from the thirties into the forties and to be honest, I'm totally ready. Last year when I turned 39, I was hesitant to even contemplate what turning 40 would be like for me. But, really? I can't wait! I don't look 40, I don't feel 40 and I'm not even sure how a 40 year-old should behave but do know one thing. I'm ready for it! And I'm bringing sexy back, y'all!!!

Transition

2006-09-16T22:56:00.000-04:00

So, today was the day that I went from being securely blanketed in a relationship that wasn't nurturing in the ways that I wanted to having all of my emotions put on display so that I can take the necessary steps to find out what I'm doing wrong and correct it. I should feel relieved, thrilled, excited about my single status, right? Wrong. I am the most miserable I've felt in a while and although I know the decision I made (to end our relationship) was right for both of us, what I'm feeling right now sucks. Eleven years with the same person is a long time, married or not and some say that I was fortunate to be with him for that amount of time, given the fact that most marriages don't last as long. All that's true but it doesn't lessen the hurt that I'm feeling now. I know that in the long run, I'll pick myself up and move ahead with life but for now, it doesn't seem as though I'll ever get over the fact that the man that I loved, lived with, fought with, played with and had hoped to marry is no longer in my life on a daily basis.

More later......

Good Times

2006-09-16T22:33:00.000-04:00

Last weekend, Terry and I took a drive to Bushkill, PA to see my friend Vanessa and her family in their new home. I hadn't driven in about four years so I was a little nervous but once I picked up the car and slid into the driver's seat, it was good times again. I was psyched when I realized that I hadn't forgotten any of the 'rules' of the road. It's just like some people say-once you learn, you never forget. How right they were. It helped that the ride that I rented was love at first sight. The Ford Escape is a comfortable SUV that gets very good highway mileage. I could tell that the rental company took good care of it cause it smelled nice and clean when I got into it.

Anyway, during the roadtrip I learned that two things will always be with me; I have and probably always will have roadrage (can't help it, folks)and I like to drive f-a-s-t. That's right. Speed demon was on the road! Once we got on 280W, I had to focus really hard not to drive 80 mph. Yeah, I was cognizant of the speedlimits but damnit, I wanted to keep up with the hundreds of other cars that were going way faster than I was!

Although we got somewhat lost, we made it to 'Nessa's place and was met by her middle son(Kyle) who I hadn't seen in a minute. All of the boys has grown at least three inches taller since I'd last seen them but they all remebered Terry and "RahRah" (that's the nickname they gave me when they were little because they couldn't pronounce 'Robin'. TD, don't even think about calling me that :)).

Their house is absolutely beautiful. The rooms are nice and spacious, the deck is awesome and the garage is HUGE. I am quite proud of their accomplishment because Vanessa, Brian (her husband) and I moved into the same apartment building two weeks apart back in 1993. So, to see them transition from the small, cramped two-bedroom apartment to this point was a good feeling. All of their closest friends, family members and co-workers showed their support of this venture and you could feel lots of love flowing throughout. We ate, drank, reminisced and enjoyed each others company well into the night. Some folks left early to beat the setting son but we chilled until the next morning before returning to Jersey. Since I'm considered 'family', I have carte blance to visit anytime I want. Best to believe that I'll be making periodic trips to their neck of the woods.

The Beginning of the End

2006-08-07T11:18:00.000-04:00

So, in a littlle over five weeks from now I will be a single woman again. What has been contemplation, resignation and indecision for the better half of seven months has finally come to a resolution. On Saturday morning, my boyfriend informed me that he'd booked a flight to the West Coast and that he would be leaving in Mid-September. I wasn't shocked by this information as I knew this day would come. However, it didn't make it any easier to hear. Then, he looked deep into my eyes and told me that he loved me and was going to miss me very much. I was okay at that point so we proceeded to go over the details of when his flight was, how he was going to ship his things, etc. For the first time in months, we had a really cordial conversation void of any yelling, screaming or accusations. He took me out to various places Saturday and yesterday and I have to admit that we had a good time and enjoyed each other's company. Of course, there was sex involved but it was more bittersweet than anything. However, this morning the magnitude of the weekend's events hit me head on and I've been trying to keep it together. I know that GOD forewarned me that this day would arrive, I guess I just wasn't as prepared as I first thought.

Relaxation

2006-07-31T21:51:00.000-04:00

I arrived back into the New York City area late last night from California and during the entire trip home, I smiled because I was finally in a relaxed state of mind. You see, my last relaxing date was back in March when I accompanied TD to Fort Lauderdale to visit her Godmother. Let's see, that was a good four months ago. And my spirit has been in the dumps ever since with one stressful situation after the next. See, stress doesn't wear well on me so I need that time to re-energize from time to time. This trip was the perfect prescription to get me back to where I need to be to conquer my short-term goals in the upcoming months. Man, the bed that I slept on was a 'Heavenly' bed and it lived up to it's name. Events were planned for the two days that I was there but I made sure to steal some time to take a nap. Boy, that was the best thing I could've done. I felt very at peace when I awakened and it was as though nothing could take it away. I went on a tour of the city which was very cool and took some pics (which I'll try to post) to hone my photography skills. Since I encounter tourists everyday near my job, it was refreshing to be on the other side and be a tourist myself. All in all I had a great time witnessing my friend's journey as she begins her life with her new husband while also taking the opportunity to get in some much needed rest and relaxation. Now, I feel that I can tackle life's obstacles and head closer to my goals.

Wedded Bliss

2006-07-31T21:35:00.000-04:00

I finally have a moment to blog about my trip to California. I visited the state for the first time for a very joyous occasion. My friend Kim, married her soulmate this past Saturday. I hadn't seen her since she moved to Cali 2 1/2 years ago so we tried to make up for lost time. She looked well and had this everpresent glow about her that showed me that she was truly in love and in a peaceful place in her life. She really deserves the blessings that she has and although she has three sisters, I felt as proud as all of them.

I met her new husband, Steven who is a really nice guy. He smiled each time he saw their family and friends and was real laid back about all of the festivities. You could tell that he was as excited as Kim to be taking the big leap into married life.

They chose an Asian theme for their wedding which surprised me a little (seeing as thought they met in the Bahamas) but they pulled it together well. Kim's wedding gown was made from imported material straight from Thailand and the Guyanese seamtress that she had to make it did a wonderful job. Although the dress was a simple design, the intricate details really made it stand out. The guys wore traditional Asian tuxes and everyone down to the flowergirl was beautiful. Most of the people who attended the services were made up of their family and close friends and you could tell there was a lot of love in the room. The only sad moment of the ceremony were the two empty seats that were set in honor of Kim's dad who passed away last year and Steven's mom who passed in 2003. But, you could tell that their spirits were definitely present.

It seems as though I'm losing friends either to marriage or relocating their family for a better life and it's something that I'll have to come to terms with but you know what? They are taking these steps to make their lives better and that's what counts to me. Hopefully one day I can also find that happiness that brings joy to people's hearts.

Unsettling Dreams

2006-07-25T11:16:00.000-04:00

Last night, I had a series of unsettling dreams. In the first one, I was going head-to-head with my faceless boss about everything and nothing. He would speak to me and I'd be ready to rip his head off, and I would ask him a question and he'd reply by saying things like "don't you know what the hell you're doing yet?". That dream was followed by me walking down a dark street in the middle of nowhere by myself trying to find my way home. But, each time I thought that I was turning down the correct street, I would be back at my starting point. In the final segment of this nightmare, my son and I were back at our first apartment in Brooklyn. We had been evicted from our New Jersey place so we decided to take up residence at our old one until we could figure out where we were headed. My unofficial ex-boyfriend was nowhere in the picture so that gave me some solace. I guess that I must have awakened from my sleep at least three times last night because I'm tired as hell right now.

My upcoming trip this weekend is very much needed as my nerves are very frazzled and I feel the burnout emanating throughout my being. I need time to seriously re-energize cause I feel that I'm on the verge of a serious breakdown.

A Test that I wasn't Prepared to Pass....

2006-06-21T23:53:00.000-04:00

When I was back in College and even High School, It was rare that I was unprepared for an exam. I prided myself on being the 'model' student, the one of few who didn't sweat when a professor would say, "tomorrow you will have a test on such and such." My study habits were such that I never worried about passing, only how well I would do. Well, for the past few days I've been failing miserably at the tests that mean the most...The ones given to me by GOD. And, I feel bad for not only failing myself but failing HIM.

See, He knows exactly how much we as humans can take and will never give us more than we can handle. My problem is, I lost sight of that until tonight. I've been to the gym sporadically the last two weeks and although I haven't gained any weight back (probably because my appetite has waned), my body is starting to let me know what I've been missing. My overall mood has stunk and I've lost my zest for life. I also did something stupid and not only alarmed the person who has become a best friend to me but caused her to be angry with me at a time when she is already carrying around a full plate of life's challenges and could very well have told me to go to hell because she doesn't need to deal with my gripes. This is not me. There are a lot of people out there with bigger problems than I and I realize it.

So GOD, I'm telling you right here, right now that I'm sorry for not passing you tests and humbly ask for your forgiveness. I promise to pass them from this point on. I'm going back to the things that make me happy and I'm not talking material things. You see, I do love myself and I need to get back to where I can allow people to see that again. For those who can't or don't see that I am a person who will give you 1000% percent of me if deserving, I still pray that you receive the many blessings that HE bestows upon me daily.

Reality Hits.......

2006-06-05T16:01:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, my soon-to-be ex boyfriend and I came to the stark realization that our relationship was over. I known it and felt it for sometime but to actually verbalize it was difficult to say the least. Yes, there were a lot of tears (from both of us), a lot of blame passed back and forth, a lot of "what-ifs" and of course, a lot of break-up sex but at the end of the day, we both know that our realtionship has hit a brick wall at maximum speed and that separating is the only alternative right now.

This will be the first relationship where I've made tough decisions with my head rather than my heart and you know what? It was the second toughest decision I've had to make in my entire life. That's not to say that decisions will become easier as I get older but man, this one has really put a strain on me mentally, emotionally and even physically. Even as I write this, my stomach is gripped in knots and I've been light-headed the last couple of days.

All I can do now is wait until the day when he is packed up and prepared to move three-thousand miles across the United States to finally help care for his children. Because, in my heart, I know that this is where he's headed.

I know deep-down inside that this is the right decision but damnit, it doesn't make it easier to digest.

Sunny Florida!

2006-03-26T21:54:00.000-05:00

This weekend I had the most exhilarating, relaxing weekend since I went on my cruise last year. I went with my close homie, TD and another friend, D to Fort Lauderdale to meet and visit with TD's Nininne (godmother). Talk about a change of pace! We left the dirt, pollution and the crowds that encompass New York behind and went to have a little taste of paradise for a few hours. What a relaxing time it was!!! To be able to bask in serenity and forget about our daily lives for a few hours was a welcomed change and one that was needed by all of us. I had a super-great time and hope to revisit Florida soon!!

A Great Day....

2006-02-01T12:05:00.000-05:00

Is what I'm having today! I feel good, am in great spirits and in love with life!!!! Hopefully, this feeling will last for awhile. Until then, I'm enjoying the ride :) !!!!!!

A Special Honor

2006-01-19T23:22:00.000-05:00

That's exactly what I received. The year hasn't exactly started off on a good note for me (although I remain optimistic that this is just temporary). But tonight, I felt good for the first time in a while. TD and I headed for a bite to eat at DragonFly which is a nice place with a cozy atmosphere. We hadn't hung out since right before the holidays and even though we talk almost daily, it was good to actually sit face to face , share a meal and talk. We were conversating about everything that's taken place in our lives within the last couple of weeks when suddenly, TD asked me a question that totally took me by surprise- "Will you be an attendant in my wedding?"

I thought to myself, did I just hear her correctly? Sure enough, she wanted ME to be a part of HER wedding! To say that it was an honor to be asked is putting it very mildy. I just hope that I do her proud on the most important day of her life. Wow!

Weird? Who's Weird?

2006-01-18T23:23:00.000-05:00

So, my friend TD has tagged me in this game where I am supposed to confess five weird things about myself. After giving this much thought (because I really don't consider myself weird. Different, maybe.), here is what I was able to come up with -

I absolutely hate it when someone looks over my shoulder while I'm reading. I don't care whether it's an article, newspaper, book whatever. If your ass didn't help me purchase it, what the hell makes you feel that I need help reading it?
I HAVE to sleep on the right-hand side of the bed (the left if you're facing it). It's been a quirk for as long as I can remember. No matter if I'm sleeping alone or with someone, if I'm not on that side of the bed, it ain't poppin.' I've tried the be versatile shit and wound up not sleeping for almost an entire night. Never again.
Repeating myself is an all-time no no. Hate it. Always have, always will. If you're deaf, then you receive an instant pass. If I'm speaking and a loud-assed truck rolls by, then maybe. If not, then motherfucker open your ears.
I guess this is because of my financial background but whenever I'm calculating something, I have to check it at least three times no matter what it is. Yeah, what?
For most people that I know, when something is troubling them (work, relationships, money)they will try to comfort themselves by eating a little more and sleeping a little less. I am the exact opposite. When I'm stressed, I starve myself and sleep for days hoping that the answers to all of my troubles will somehow materialize in my dreams. *Sigh* I may lose a couple of pounds and be well-rested but the shit is still there.

There you have it! Hopefully, I've passed the initiation into weirdism.

Career-Minded

2005-12-10T10:48:00.000-05:00

I think that I've finally found my niche, careerwise that is, where I feel good about coming to work everyday. You see, I work for a small software company and one of the advantages of my position is that I'm afforded the opportunity to learn various area of my field (the IT industry). It has always been my goal to make a mark in this industry which is so heavily dominated by the male population. The only way to keep up with the 'boys' is by learning all that I can. The more that I know, the more ammunition I'll have to write my own ticket. So, for the next six months I'll be honing my programming skills (SQL, Visual FoxPro, web programming) to add another notch to my IT belt. My goal is to stay at my present job for another eighteen months or so (unless I'm given an offer that I can't refuse) and then move onward and upwards.

I know that some of my friends are still trying to figure out which direction they'd like to go in their careers so let me tell you that the sky's the limit and once you determine your path, let nothing and no one stop you ;)!

Weird Feeling

2005-11-27T10:18:00.000-05:00

You know how sometimes you get a feeling that something is going to happen that will just ruin your entire day? Well, I awoke to that feeling this morning and it has me feeling like blech. I'm gonna go see if I can shake it off so that I can get through this day. I'll holla later.

I Can Feel The Burn Now

2005-11-27T09:57:00.000-05:00

My trainer warned me that this would happen. I awoke this morning to the soreness and stiffness that I was told that I would feel after the workout that I had at the gym yesterday. But you know what? It was well worth it. I pushed myself to test my limits and I released some of the stress that's been stored in my body. Oh well. I'll be back there on Monday for some more punishment.

The Perfect Gentleman

2005-11-26T22:50:00.000-05:00

I've been having this recurring dream lately about a man who I'm infatuated with. I say that because some would call me a "fan" because he is a somewhat well-known person but I'm not. I mean, I've listened to his voice many times for years and it's always affected me the same way; chills throughout my body as I listen to his soothing voice but I've come to realize that since I met him, it's deeper than that. Now mind you, I'm not a celebrity hound and never have been. I see people who have a particular talent that may cause them to be in the spotlight but they're regular people just like me.

Anyway, the dream almost always is the same. I'm courted by this gentleman in ways that I never imagined could happen. Not just the usual holding the door open kind of thing, either. He's the perfect gentleman. He knows what I like and ensures that I have what I need, which is not much. This particular time, we are at a function where he is sorta working so I'm hanging with my friend, TD while he does his thing. Suddenly, one of my favorite songs, "I Love You Just Because" by Anita Baker comes on and the song is dedicated to me. I look around in shock and he appears in front of me and says "I've wanted to tell you this for awhile." At that point, I awaken from the dream. I've tried desperately to fall back asleep to continue the dream from that point to no avail.

*Sigh* Sometimes I wonder if dreams really are meant to come true.

New Beginnings

2005-11-26T15:19:00.000-05:00

I know that it's been some time since I've blogged and it's not due to the lack of anything to say. On the contrary, I've had LOTS to blog about just no willpower to actually put the thoughts down. Remember the rollercoaster of emotions that I wrote about? Well, they continue each day and I'm just trying to gain more control of them. It's a work in progress that hopefully will make me a better person.

I went to my first full workout session this morning after a few mishaps getting on track. I pushed myself a little more than the average "newbie" but it's because A. I have a LOT of stress to release and B. I have a four month goal to get into better shape. Those who know me well know that I'm stubborn when it comes to focusing on a goal. I don't play around. So, even though I know that this is going to be tough, in the long run it will pay many dividends. I've set a three-day per week workout schedule for the next three weeks. Gotta start off small. We'll see what happens.

stay tuned....

Sisterly Love

2005-10-30T16:23:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I traveled to Queens to meet up with TD and accompany her to her sorority's annual basketweave party (big shoutout to the AKAs!). The event was a fundraiser and the proceeds went to a scholarship fund for youths. I'm a big believer in helping youths especially since I was a young, single mom. Anyways, I had a BLAST! It's been a while since I've genuinely laughed the way that I did yesterday and I thank TD for inviting me to hangout with her sisters. There were numerous baskets that were auctioned off and each one held its own special beauty.

Although I didn't win anything, I hope that the money that I was able to donate to the fund helps a little. Hopefully, next year I'll be invited again. Either way, I'd like to contribute a couple of baskets myself.

All in all, yesterday was a good day!

Rollercoaster

2005-10-26T00:46:00.000-04:00

That's been my emotions for a few days now. A series of up and downs. I dug up an old song that I used to listen to whenever I had a heavy heart. It's a duet by Anita Baker and BeBe Winans entitled "Ain't No Need to Worry."

Ain't no need to worrying
What the night is gonna bring
Because it will be all over in the morning

There's a feel of nightfall
When darkness comes and covers all of the day

Sometimes we feel pain
But there are some things that we can change
Just pray

Chorus

Troubles come but they do pass
Heartaches hurt but they don't last all day

Sometimes we feel pain
But there are some things that we can change
Just pray

Chorus

In the morning
Morning
It'll be all over in the morning
It'll be all over in the morning

I've been listening to this song over and over and over again. My faith, my friend TD and this song are what's keeping me together these days. Thank GOD for all three.

Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don't...

2005-10-12T13:04:00.000-04:00

Why are life's issues so diffucult to figure out sometimes? Why can't life be simpler than it really is? Sometimes I wish that I could just dial-up the answers to my problems. But, life is not like that so I guess I'll have to take the more painful route.

Cherished Moments

2005-10-03T23:03:00.000-04:00

You know how you have moments that you wish would last longer than they actually do? I had a few of those last week. It's been quite a while since I've had such a good time. I helped TD celebrate her 31st birthday in style with good food, drinks, awesome dancing but most of all, the enjoyment of great company. It was nice to get out and have some fun for a change and at the same time feel good knowing that your friend was truly enjoying herself. Those are cherished moments that will last forever.

Cruisin '05-Cozumel, Mexico

2005-10-03T00:55:00.000-04:00

Friday, August 26th

Today, we are in sunny Cozumel. This would be a total sight-seeing, shop yourself to death adventure. There was no tender to take so once we left the ship the adventure began. Mind you, Mexico is patrolled heavily so if you didn't have the proper ID with you, forget about gong anywhere. I'm saying, the drug-sniffing dogs were on patrol, shun. After my obligatory picture-snapping (I'm saying), we headed to the terminal where we walked through this long atrium filled with shops. Of course, my favorite was the wall-to-wall bottles of tequila lined up just waiting for someone to adopt them. I made a mental note of what I would pick up later. We exited the terminal and I sister, Donna (who had been to Cozumel before) mentioned that there were a strip of shops in town but she didn't remember how to get there. We asked some of the locals who pointed up to The Forum Shops located downtown. It was hotter than Florida so we jumped into a cab and took the short ride into town. The setup was such that every step you took there were vendors standing outside their shops trying to lure the tourists in to spend money.

let me tell you how good their setup is. The jewelry shop salesman/women invite us inside and ask us if we're thirsty. We say yes (it's only about 150 degrees outside) and they offer us shots of top-shelf TEQUILA. I saying, we could have however much we wanted as we perused their wares. Yo, I'm not talking about the thirty dollar bottles either. I'm talking stuff that's been aged at least twelve years. One joint made us a drink that was a pina colada with a tequila shot floating on top. Bananas, man. And, they weren't even upset that we didn't purchase anything. When I'm ready to buy my tennis bracelet, I'm definitely taking a trip back to Cozumel. Their prices are quite reasonable. Oh, I also forgot to mention that you are allowed to walk the streets with your alcohol in hand so don't think that I went back without partaking of an ice-cold Corona :) !!!

Anyway, we must've walked forever picking up trinkets along the way. Once funny incident that took place was we went to a market for some of our souvenirs and I planned to purchase the hottest hotsauce they had to take home. Donna and my son, Jay let the vendor talk them into trying one of the hottest ones they had and oh boy, did they cry!!! I had tears in my eyes because they were running around fanning their mouths!!! Needless to say, I purchased a bottle but I'm no fool; I have not touched it since I brought it home!

Being the alcoholics that we are, we picked up about ten bottles between the four of us and headed back to the ship. We decided to eat lunch and chill for a bit before checkin out the happenings for the evening. The next day however, would change the course of our trip both literally and figuratively.

Saturday, August 27th

The day before I noticed (and took a picture) of what was Hurricane Katrina. No one knew how close this storm was to us and we still had a day or so before we were due to port in New Orleans. However, once we went to our mandatory disembarkation meeting, we found out that the storm was closer than anyone thought and we wouldn't be able to return to N.O. because they were closing both the ports and airports. A panic took over the room and people started tossing out questions all at once to our cruise director (Stuart). He did a wonderful job of giving us whatever information he had at the time and tried as best he could to answer questions.

Unfortunately, the information wasn't what people wanted to hear and I found out just how ignorant and dumb my fellow passengers were. Then man clearly stated that because the storm was expected to be pretty bad, no one was allowed back in New Orleans. Thank meant by plane, train, automobile or ship. However, the same question was asked at least a hundred gabillion times, "how am I going to get back to New Orleans?" I just shook my head and said, "dumbass, didn't he just tell you that you weren't?" I know a lot of these people live there and were concerned about their families and property but damn. Listen, please.

The game plan was for us to be rerouted to Galveston, Texas. So, the options were whomever could change their flights would be able to leave on Sunday on a complimentary bus into Houston's airport and those who couldn't get a flight on Sunday could stay and extra day (for free) and leave on Monday. However, every passenger had to leave the ship by eleven on Monday as the it was slated to head to Panama to refuel for the next cruise.

Needless to say, my group chilled until Monday. Our flight(s) were not scheduled to leave until 6 pm so we got a chance to spend the day at the airport. Woohoo!!! Not. It was the most boring time I've ever had. But, thank GOD everyone made it home safe and sound and we landed at LaGuardia Airport at 11 pm that night.

I've been praying ever since for the victims of Hurricane Katrina (and Rita) and will keep them in my heart.

Well, this ends my dream vacation. Hopefully it was just a trial run of many more to come!!!

Peace......

Cruisin '05-Grand Cayman Islands

2005-10-03T00:18:00.000-04:00

Thursday, August 25th

Today, we visit the Grand Cayman Islands in all of its splendor. I have to take my daily snapshots so I go up to the top deck and I can see 7-Mile Beach in the distance. After a few dozen shots, I head back to have my daily breakfast before the crew heads to our tender. While we are on the boats that would take us to the Island, I gaze into the water and realize that it is a perfect blue color. I mean a RICH blue and clear too. I'd never seen anything like it before and felt like I was in heaven for real.

Once we arrived at the beach, I ran (yes, ran) to the sand and just walked barefoot in awe. You see, I'm used to the beach at Coney Island (blech), Rye (yawn) and Fire Island (okay) but this was way better than all of them. The further down I stuck my feet the cooler the sand was. And, it was perfectly clean!!!! We proceeded to grab some beach chairs so that we could laze for a few hours while my sister tanned (who knows for what cause they are both already tanned but whatever, we're on vacation!). Libra is not a water sign but ever since I was a little girl, I've always been attracted to water. I would beg my mother to let me play in the rain, I'll take walks in the rain or just sit by a window and watch it rain. Listening to it has a very calming, sensuous affect on me. So, while they tanned I headed to the ocean. I'm not a strong swimmer but adequate enough that I felt comfortable. Being able to see the ocean floor was so tranquil I closed my eyes and thanked GOD for blessing me with this trip. Later on, I took a nap and then treated myself to some mahi mahi (dolphin fish) which was delectable.

After a few hours of fun, sun and sand we decided to head back to town to pick up some gifts. We all found some really good bargains so after a little sightseeing, headed back to the tender that would take us to our ship. I'll definitely be returning to Grand Cayman in the future.

Cruisin '05-Some More

2005-10-02T23:35:00.000-04:00

Wednesday, August 23rd

Today when I woke up, we were already docked in Montego Bay, Jamaica! As the excitement build up, I took my shower, got dressed and called my sisters' room. They were halfway dressed so we would meet in their cabin. As usual, my son out partied everyone so I had to awaken him to let him know that if he didn't get ready soon, we would leave him. He promised to meet up with us at breakfast so I headed to my sisters' deck. Once there, we called our parents and told them to meet us in our normal spot for breakfast. We would all be heading out to town together since it's foreign territory. Gotta watch out for the parents, you know?

Anyway, we took a cab into town and the first thing we got out of the way was the souvenir shopping. My snap-happy ass immediately zoomed in on a couple of shops so we headed over to them. Once we picked up some treasures for our friends we headed over to Margaritaville (oh buddy!) where the place was already jumpin and it wasn't yet noon.

My parents chilled with us for a bit and then headed back to the ship. Not long after, the place got crunk! The deejay was Jamaican-born and Tennessee raised so his music was an interesting mix that please everyone. Both of my sisters are a lot more outgoing than I so they didn't hesitate to take to the stage for the booty-shaking contest (yes, you read correctly). And guess what? My sister Donna won the damn thing. Her prize was a gift certificate to their gift shop so she picked up something for us, which was nice. We also played TV Trivia where the deejay would play tunes from various television shows and whoever answered the most won a tee-shirt.

Between the dancing, singing and whatnot, we also received free vodka shots which enabled us to stay nice!!!!! Overall, we had a freakin blast during the six or seven hours we were there!

We headed back to take care of some more shopping and BOY did I rack up on some liquor. Not the punk-ass stuff either. I'm talking Appleton Estate Rum, Wray and Nephew Overproof Rum and the like. I've stopped drinking the cheap stuff a long time ago as my tastes have changed dramatically. Five years ago, I would have been satisfied with some Bacardi but not now. I also remembered to pick up the banana rum that TD had requested along with some Jamaican hot sauce and spices to take home.

By the time we re-boarded the ship, we were famished so we dropped our things in our cabins and headed up to lunch. Later that night, more casino-fun and clubbin'. Yeah Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mixups and Drama....Cruisin '05

2005-09-15T23:59:00.000-04:00

Tuesday, August 23rd

Last night was a lot of fun. We hung out in Henri's Dance Club watching the people get their groove on. My son (who sometime moonlights as a DJ) was not pleased with Patrick, who served as our DJ for the entire cruise. "He should mix it up better", he said. He was right though; Patrick would get a massive crowd on the floor only to lose them on the very next song. Oh well, I was entertaining myself by watching the drunk people dance. They stayed on the dance floor.

Today, we looked forward to another full day of fun. More importantly, the drink of the day is Caribbean Breeze. It was a little on the sweet side (a little heavy on the pineapple juice) but what the heck, I decided to live a little. I knew that it wouldn't make me sick but after two of them, I became bored with it.

After breakfast, we hit the casino. There was a $500 Slot Machine Tournament taking place so I decided to give it a try. After paying the twenty dollar entry fee, I sat down at one of the machines and waited for the tournament to begin. About forty minutes later (the slot machines would not reset themselves so we had to wait for the technician to reset them. I do not envy his job!), the tournament began. To advance to the next round, you had to rack up the most points in the current round. All we had to do was keep hitting the spin button as if we were playing for money instead of points. Each contestant was allotted 300 spins to collect as many points as possible. Needless to say, I didn't advance past the first round but it was fun.

Meanwhile, My mom and my sister Donna, were hit'em heavy on the slot machines. The two of them are very lucky with the slots so it was a matter of time before one of them won some money. Donna was the first one. She sat down at a nickel machine (yes, I said nickel) and put in a twenty dollar bill; as soon as the girl hit the spin button, she won a jackpot. I forget offhand how many nickels she won but it amounted to $700. We were happy for her because she had just started a new job and would not be getting paid for the week she is on the cruise so this would really help her out. Go, Sis!!!

Today's line-up of activities included Shipboard Survivor (an onboard version of Survivor), The Newlywed Game, more Bingo, TV Theme Trivia and a host of others. The crew went back and forth between the activities and the casino.

Now, the drama....

As I stated previously, my entire family was not seated at the same table in the dining room at dinnertime. The night before, we'd mentioned it to our group leader who assured us that she would straighten things out. The previous night, my table was missing two people (our table was a seating for eight). Tonight, they decided to join us for dinner. The only problem was the night before, there had been another couple sitting there. So, after our group leader did some shuffling to seat my family together, the people from the previous night had been bumped from the table. They showed up for dinner late so they took seats at the next table over from us without checking to see if the seats belonged to anyone. Why'd they do that? The next thing I knew, there was mad cursing and yelling coming from that table. I turned around and the couple who had been bumped from our table had taken someone else's seats and the people showed up. Apparently, someone asked them to get up, a comment was made and it got ghetto. Now mind you, the dining room is pretty big and there were a lot of people having dinner at the time. There also were a lot of white people who looked none too pleased with folk to begin with. So, when the yelling and threatening (you read correctly) started, they had looks on their faces like they expected black folk to act out (which we did).

My parents became disgusted, I became frustrated and my sister was unhappy because it wasn't only our group whose seating was jacked up, a lot of folks were separated from their people. The next thing I knew, there was a fight breaking out on the other side of the dining room. We decided that it was not worth the drama and we would have dinner the next night on the upper deck where folks knew how to act. The diningroom boycott was in full effect. Besides, we could wear whatever we wanted at the buffet!

After the dinner drama, everyone went back to their cabins to change into our clubbing clothes for later that evening. There was a Lido Deck party going on and wanted to make sure that we didn't miss it.

It was off the chain but I'll have to write about it tomorrow after I get the pictures together. I will say though that my crew wound up on video for everyone to see! Hopefully, it won't end up on the blackmarket! :) And tomorrow, we port in Montego Bay, Jamaica!!!!

Cruisin '05- continued

2005-09-14T23:34:00.000-04:00

Monday, August 22nd

My sisters and I decided that 7 a.m. would be the time for our wakeup calls no matter what time we managed to fall into bed the previous night. Since last night was really just an excursion around the ship to become acclimated, we were energetic and ready to commence with the games. I had decided early on that even though I was on vacation, I would still eat sensibly (but often). So, breakfast for me always contained a hot cup of tea (to subdue the alcohol) and fruit no matter what else I ate. I managed to stick to this agenda every day!

Each evening we received a Carnival Capers paper in our cabins. The caper informed us of just about everything that would occur on the ship for the entire day and night (we would not reach our first port until Wednesday). So, after breakfast we reviewed the paper to see when our first event would start. There were a full day's worth of events taking place and the first one was a game called Trivia Time @ 10 a.m.. It took place in one of the bars on Deck 3 so we headed there to get good seats.

Just so you'll know, every game played on board the ship afforded us a chance to win prizes. They ranged from a simple medal to a bottle of champagne to cash prizes so participation was never scarce. There were about 25 people playing Trivia and although I didn't win anything, it was a lot of fun. The next event was $1,000 Jackpot Bingo which was held in a big auditorium that also served as one of the lounges for our nightly entertainment. Now, whenever there is cash at stake, people turn out in droves so the room (which could hold a good thousand or so people) was quite full. My family and I all met there so that we could all play together. No of us won but again it was a lot of fun.

Afterwards, it was time to check out some midmorning grub. See, I needed to have a snack because we were about to partake on our first alcoholic beverages for the day. Everyday there is a drink special that you could purchase either in a regular glass or in a Carnival souvenir glass. The drink special of the day was an Island Delight. Now, those who know me well know that I don't really drink mixed drinks too much anymore but hell, this is a vacation so I'm open to whatever! The drink was quite tasty and the bartender proved that he could mix it up (hahaha!) with the best of them! I think that I had four or five of them in total for the day.

Anyway, throughout the day we went from activity to activity (Blackjack Tournament, Ice Carving and Hairy Chest Competition, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, The Dating Game, Austin Powers Dance Class, more Bingo). Below are some of the pictures from the various activities.....

Later that Night

Since this is our first full day, it is also our Formal Night. This means we all have to dress in something other than jeans and sneakers so that we can take photos. Dinner was had in the formal dining room where we would be each night of the cruise (The Monet Room). It is a pretty dining room with two levels and our groups' seating was on the second level. Now here comes the drama; there are six of us in the immediate family and we all have the same last name so one would think that we would all be seated together as a family, right? WRONG. My son and I were seated at a different table nearby. We told our group leader what had happened and she promised to straighten it out for the next evening. Little did we know, that this would precipitate massive drama (more on that later). After eating our meal, it was time to take some photos...

After the picturetaking was over, we decided that we were going to change into our dance clothes and hit Henri's Dance Club for some more drinks and fun. The fun lasted til about two....three...sometime a.m.

Stay tuned......

Cruisin '05

2005-09-13T23:46:00.000-04:00

I promised that I would post about my cruise so here we go....

Sunday, August 21st @ 4:30 a.m.

My family and I piled into a white, stretch limo (courtesy of my wonderful cousin, Go Eddie!) with our luggage for the short trek to LGA Airport. I'd never been to this airport and was not really impressed with what I saw but I was so excited it didn't matter. Since we arrived mad early, after the ten minute check-in process, there was nothing left to do but wait until we could board our first flight (at 7 a.m.).

After what seemed like a lifetime, our flight was called to board and we were on our way. I've flown in airplanes before but each time feels like the first. To me, flying is a thrilling experience. I feel thisclose to GOD when I am in the air!

The first flight was a relatively short layover in Chicago. By the time I made my obligatory phone call home, it was time to board for the second leg. This one was a little longer but equally exciting to me. However, my Mom and Dad (who hate flying), seemed to be having a difficult time (especially my Mom). From time to time, my sisters and I gave her a reassuring glance that said that everything would be alright and that we would all survive the flight.

Once we landed in New Orleans, the excitement REALLY began to build. Our group of fifty (we repped the Bronx, Queens and BK strong) then climbed into a charter bus for the thirty minute ride to the port where we would board the Carnival Conquest.

Along the way, I was able to capture some images of New Orleans (to be posted later), including the Superdome. As we pulled up to the pier, the busdriver pointed out our ship and my jaw dropped. It was a breathtaking view of the largest ship I'd ever seen. We were informed that she stood 27 stories tall and could carry 2000+ passengers. This would be my home for the next eight days!

Even though we had traveled a ways to get here, no one seemed fatigued. After spending another twenty minutes to check-in, we were allowed to board. I'm not gonna front, my ass RAN to get on that ship, I was so happy! As our cabins were not quite ready, we were directed to the ninth floor deck for a reception party. Didn't have to tell me twice! I headed straight to the first bar I saw and ordered the first of MANY drinks to come!

Welcome to Paradise! Yeah, baby!!!!! More to come.....

2005-09-13T18:46:00.000-04:00

I haven't been in the best of moods lately so I prayed, read my current book (Dark Nights of the Soul) and made a promise to myself to face my demons head on and ride this wave until I resolve the issues in my life. The sooner I get past this phase of my life, the happier I can be for myself, my family and loved ones.

Later tonight, I will begin posting about the wonderful cruise that I experienced this summer. Stay tuned.....

"I Need You To Survive"

2005-09-10T01:29:00.000-04:00

While I was watching the Save Ourselves telethon on BET tonight, gospel singer Hezekiah Walker sang a song with his choir entitled "I Need You To Survive". I'd heard snippets of the song before but tonight I really got a chance to listen closely to the words of the song. As the goosebumps took over my flesh, I realized how much this song really hits home for me right now...

"I Pray For You, You Pray For Me"
"I Love You, I Need You To Survive"
"I won't harm you with words from my mouth, I Love You, I Need You To Survive"
"You Are Important To Me, I Need You To Survive"

Writer's Block....Sort Of

2005-09-06T21:42:00.000-04:00

I haven't felt much like writing the last few days. Not for lack of anything to say but because I'm preoccupied with a lot of things right now, mainly my life and how unhappy I am with it at the moment. I promise to blog about my vacation very soon along with posting some pictures.

But first, I have to get back to being me.

"What An Asshole!"

2005-09-01T21:34:00.000-04:00

Today I was really upset about the devastation from the effects of Hurricane Katrina. Don't' get me wrong, I am a stern believer in GOD and know that he does things for a reason but I'm still human with human emotions. I guess that I still have a lot to learn about life. Anyway, my CEO told the staff that the asshole President is two for two this week. First, he flies safely in his flying pimp mobile over the states that were affected by this disaster and makes a stupid comment about how New Orleans was mostly covered by water. No shit, Sherlock!!! Where the fuck have you been the last few days? Tell us something that we don't already know! Then, because of the rising gas prices, he tells the American people not to buy gas unless they need it. What the fuck?!!! Okay so, people are just arbitrarily going to gas stations and spending their hard-earned money on gas just for the helluva it? I'd like to personally pimp-slap every single person who re-elected (excuse me, re-selected) this moron back into office.

My Dream Vacation

2005-08-30T23:33:00.000-04:00

Today is my first day back from vacation and I'm still jetlagged but it's a wonderful feeling. Man, I needed this vacation like an alcoholic needs a drink (and I had plenty of them :))! I had an AWESOMELY wonderful time and my upcoming posts will recap the experiences that I had. I tried to keep a running journal each day but I was so busy having fun, that didn't work out too well. However, it was a time that I will never forget so writing about it will be easy. I'll also work on the pictures that I took and see how many of them I can post !

Stay tuned.....

Guilty as Charged....

2005-08-19T13:11:00.000-04:00

Have you ever felt a wave of guilt take over you and not know how to handle it? I mean the kind where you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach even though you've been told that you shouldn't feel that way? Well, that's the way I'm feeling right now........

A Release.....

2005-08-19T00:06:00.000-04:00

Yeah, i'm a little drunk. So what!? A girl needs too have a little fun every now and then. Besides, I got a chance to hangout with my homie, TD. The girl is more fun than she'll ever realize! Luv her to death! Basically, we both needed a release from the everyday rigamorole so I hope that she had as much fun as I did!

One more day til vacation.....! Woo to the mutha fuckin Hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Disappointment

2005-08-16T22:01:00.000-04:00

I tried on some capris that I just bought today and my fat ass can't fit them! I know that I've been under stress lately and have not stuck to my eating plan but damn! Can a sister get a break? This will just make me more determined than ever to get my ass in shape when I return from vacation. I refuse to let all the hard work that I've put in go to waste. The same week that I return I'm joining a gym and my fat, jingly ass will be visiting there at least three days/nights a week. Those who know me well know that once I'm focused on a goal, it's a wrap. It will be difficult, I know, but I'm tired of struggling with my clothes and my in-between sizes.

Besides, exercise is a good way to release stress and I'm dealing with a lot of it at the moment.

The Countdown Continues.....

2005-08-15T22:29:00.000-04:00

Six more days til I depart on vacation and I can't wait! I'm finally starting to feel excited in anticipation of what I hope will be a fun time. So much so that I didn't feel my usual Monday blahs. I can actually say that today was a relatively happy day at work. It became a little hairy towards that end of the day but that's to be expected under voluntary slavery. Whenever the help is happy, the massa's gotta try to take that away. But, I didn't let them. My girl, TD helped me to remain my silly self today (much appreciated TD!). I've decided that I'm going to ride this wave of happiness for as far as it will take me this week.

Now, off to pay some bills and finish preparing.......

Whew! I Made It!

2005-08-12T21:10:00.000-04:00

Well, this week is finally in the record books and I made it through (Thank you GOD!). Now, the countdown really begins (9 days until I leave for vacation!). I was stressin' a little because I have a list yards long of what I still have left to pickup and my head is not really into it. The problem is, I don't like to shop. Why? Because, I find it stressful. Traveling from store to freakin' store not finding what you want (or better yet, not finding it in your size) is not my idea of a fun experience. And, if I am lucky to find something, I seem to always attract the "waitI'mjustgoingtogetonemorething" freaks who, once they do bring their asses to the line, suddenly whip out a credit card! I like to get what I need and get the hell outta the store with as little drama as possible, thank you very much. Anyway, I did manage to put a little dent in my list without goinbg over my budget so I'm fine.

A while back, I made a promise to myself to try to do something kind for another person everyday whether it be words of encouragement, listening when someone needed an ear, giving a small token of appreciation, etc. It's my small way of giving back because there were times when I needed all of those things and was fortunate enough to have people in my life who could provide what I needed. And, it makes me feel good knowing that I put a smile on someone's face ot brightened their day. Like today, I was IMing with my friend, TD. We've both been going through some things in our lives and because we have the friendship that we do, been able to lean on one another when necessary. I'll define our relationship in another post but I just want to say that I am TOTALLY Blessed that this young lady is in my life. She may not know it but she has surpassed the line of friendship straight into family membership. And with me, that takes some doing because I don't have many people who I call a friend much less family. So, I picked up a small gift for her that I knew should would like and when I told her what it was, I could feel the smile on her face!

It's things like that that give my life meaning and purpose. :)

It's Been a Long Day

2005-08-11T20:14:00.000-04:00

This week has been relatively quiet for me workwise but mentally, it's taken a lot out of me. Since the month started, I've been counting down the days until I leave on my first cruise to the Western Carribbean (10 days to go). Right before I left work, I made a mental note of the last vacation day that I took this year and wasn't really surprised that it was back in January. I've been known to go long stretches without taking a break and this time, it's taken a toll on me. I so need this trip it's not even funny.

Today, I found it diffucult to stay focused on my work and that's just not me. Usually, even when I'm angry, I can pop the work out left and right; today, mistake after mistake after mistake and it became frustrating. Something is definitely wrong and I must get to the bottom of it or I'll either go crazy or become a serious alcoholic and neither idea sounds appealing (LOL!).

Lot's to Say

2005-08-11T03:34:00.000-04:00

I have a lot on my mind which is why I decided to create this blog. However, I'm really a private person so this is a new journey for me and may take a while to get used to. But, as the days go by, I'm hoping that this will become easier as I have a lot to say.

Right now though, I'm beat so I'll catch-up on some much needed sleep.

Stay tuned.....