Martinis for the Soul

Last night, I had the privilege of spending some time with my closest friends. You must understand that in today's world true, genuine, no-nonsense, will tell you like it is people are hard to come by. They're even harder to keep. But the classy group that I hung out with last night proves that it's still possible. Everyone just wanted to wind down from the stresses that life takes part of and enjoy some time to relax. We double-fisted martinis, courtesy of the Loft, had a great meal and just reveled in some great conversation. Then, we headed over to this spot that was embedded with youths who were born during the eighties (which happens to be my son's era!). It's been dubbed the 'hot box' for several reasons. The music though, was reminiscent of all the jams that I used to listen to and buy daily. The youngins reminded a lot of myself when I was their age.

I had an awesome time hanging with my homies. So, for all of you folks who are blessed to be surrounded by awesome friends, nurture those relationships so that they'll last a lifetime because that's what life is about. Can't wait to do it again in 2008!!!

Holiday Spirit

Tomorrow begins December which starts the countdown to the holidays, beginning with Hannukah. December also signifies the ending of another year. Man, time has been flying by pretty fast. One difference that I've noticed about myself this year is that surprisingly, I'm in the holiday spirit early. Usually, I find it to be stressful so soon after Thanksgiving but I'm actually looking forward to the festivities. To such an extent that I may even start my holiday shopping early...like this weekend. Now, for me, that's a stretch because I HATE to get caught up in the Xmas shopping crowd. I usually wait until a few days before Christmas, list in hand and tackle it in one or two days. However, this year I'm taking a considerable amount of time off so I can start on it now and leisurely get it done fairly soon. Unfortunately, I can't afford to spend a lot on gifts this year but I try to get at least one gift for each person in my immediate family. And, I'm thinking about doing some serious baking for my family and close friends, something I haven't done in a minute. Hell, I may even put up a Christmas tree! Yeah, the holiday spirit has definitely gotten hold of me!

Christmas is definitely on it's way!

Holiday Spirit

Tomorrow begins December which starts the countdown to the holidays, beginning with Hannukah. December also signifies the ending of another year. Man, time has been flying by pretty fast. One difference that I've noticed about myself this year is that surprisingly, I'm in the holiday spirit early. Usually, I find it to be stressful so soon after Thanksgiving but I'm actually looking forward to the festivities. To such an extent that I may even start my holiday shopping early...like this weekend. Now, for me, that's a stretch because I HATE to get caught up in the Xmas shopping crowd. I usually wait until a few days before Christmas, list in hand and tackle it in one or two days. However, this year I'm taking a considerable amount of time off so I can start on it now and leisurely get it done fairly soon. Unfortunately, I can't afford to spend a lot on gifts this year but I try to get at least one gift for each person in my immediate family. And, I'm thinking about doing some serious baking for my family and close friends, something I haven't done in a minute. Hell, I may even put up a Christmas tree! Yeah, the holiday spirit has definitely gotten hold of me!

Christmas is definitely on it's way!

Reflections

Damn, it's been a hot minute since I've last blogged. I'll get it together and start putting something down on a regular basis again. The thoughts have been there but sometimes, it's just easier to keep them to myself.


I had my yearly review yesterday and came away with the feeling of knowing for sure that's it's time for me to enter the next phase in my life/career. Don't get me wrong, the review was excellent and I'm in a better place than this time last year. However, the money isn't right and I took the first step and admitted to my manager that although I'm content with my job, I'm not happy. And happiness is much more important to me than any dollar amount.

So, I've decided that since I have a substantial amount of time off from work coming within the next month, I will use it constructively and study for my IT certifications that I've put off until now. I'd gone on a few job interviews earlier in the year and although I did not get any of the positions, it was mainly due to my lack of having these certs (prospective employers were kind enough to inform me of such). In order to be able to market myself properly and attain the position that will enhance my career, I need them. I've been putting it off because I'd found a certain 'comfort' level at work. However, that comfort level will not afford me the opportunity to do reach my remaining goals in life. The time has come for me to move on.

Speaking of moving on, a little while ago a wave of sadness washed over me. It's not the first time it's happened lately and I think that I know the cause. It's been a little over a year since I broke up with my boyfriend (Terry) and around the holidays, I've been thinking about him alot. Don't get me wrong, I am not considering a reconciliation as I know that this is what was needed for me to move on and hopefully, find the person who wants to spend a lifetime with me. He just wasn't that person and thinking about that sometimes makes me sad. He looked forward to spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, sometimes more than I did. We didn't do anything out of the norm but it was the intereaction with people that love you the most that me him feel most at ease. He has his own family who he loves but they don't keep in contact like I do with mine. So, holiday time was major family time. I miss those times but I know as the years move forward, I'll miss them less and less.

I reflect a lot during this time of the year as it allows me to look back on what I've done and what to look forward to in the years ahead.

Peace for now.....

Are the 40s Really the New 30s?

Well, I'm in the last few minutes of being forty years-old. There was a point in my life when I wasn't sure that I would adjust to leaving the thirties. I was determined to remain 'thirtysomething' forever. However, when I turned 38 and faced the fact that I couldn't turn back the clock, I welcomed the forties with open arms. Tonight, as I sit here and look back on all that I'd accomplished as a thirty-something year-old, I embrace the fact that I'm about to turn 41. I have a LOT more in life to accomplish, I feel relatively healthy, I'm damned sexy and I've made difficult decisions in my time that few would admit to.

Yeah, the forties are the new thirties....I thank GOD for blessing me with another year :)!

Hurricane Katrina

Today marks the second Anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. It's amazing how fast time flies. Two years ago this time, my family and I were scrambling to make arrangements to flee this storm that devastated a great deal of New Orleans, Mississippi and other states.

Upon reflection, this was a scary time and I'm extremely grateful the me and my family were able to make it safely home. It was rocky at times (literally and figuratively) but we made it. Til this day, I wonder what would've happened if the captain of our cruise ship wasn't able to stay ahead of the storm. I count my blessings everyday and pray for the families who were affected by this tragedy.

Music Makes It All Better

Events in my life have left me in a less than happy frame of mind of late. I've compensated by listening to music all day and most of the night. Tonight, I attended a concert in BK where the special guest was Ms. Anita Baker. Her voice is always soothing and she knows just the right song to sing to make one forget about their problems. I really enjoyed myself and it was a dose of what I needed. Music really does make it all better.

My Good Deed

After lunch today with my extended family, I headed to the mall for a bit. It was such a beautiful Sunday afternoon that I didn't want to waste it sitting at home. Heaven knows, I've spent enough Sundays holed up in my apartment like a hermit with no life. This was partly because of the person I was with at the time, partly because I didn't know any better. Time has shown that I've grown, in a sense.

Anyways, I needed to replace the blender that I currently have. This will be my third one in six or seven months. Since I've been trying to change my eating habits and stay away from a lot of junk foods, I found my substitute- smoothies. Smoothies are delicious, healthy (at least the way I make them) and refreshing during these hot (and sometimes humid) days. The blender has been getting a lot of mileage and I know see that the $19.99 choice is no longer taking care of my needs. So, I went to my favorite household joint, Bed Bath and Beyond to pick up one that would last a little longer. I found one that I thought would do the trick and proceeded to the checkout line. While waiting to be rung up, an older man ask me which paper I'd receive the coupon that I held in my hand. I replied that it came in the mail. He stated that his daughter had one so he would see if she could bring it use on his purchase. I pondered for a moment and remembered that I also had a coupon to Linen N'Things, which is their competitor. They take competitor coupons as long as it wasn't a copy. Since I wasn't going to use it and it expired today, I gave it to the gentleman. He gave me a big smile and thanked me.

I then paid for my purchase and headed over to the Shoprite next door to pickup a few things for dinner and for my lunch for the week. As I was heading to the cashier, I saw the same man. He again thanked me and explained how the 20% coupon came right on time and saved him money. He offered to buy me a soda and pay for some of my groceries but I politely declined.

I felt good that I'd done a good deed for the day as I try to help out whenever I can. Blessings given are Blessings received.

Let's Dance!

I met up with TD and company on Friday night for some dancing at the Canal Room. I hadn't been out dancing in quite awhile and I'll admit that at first, I wasn't going to go. It wasn't for lack of hanging with my Sis, it's just that I'd had an awful week at work and in dealing with issues at home, I felt drained. But, I'm glad that I changed my mind because I had a great time. After debating over what I would wear (look, I'm still fairly new at this being on my own thing), I put together a comfortable but yet flirty outfit that I thought would work. I was correct.

As I stepped onto the bus to take me to the PATH train, a caucasian guy, maybe in his late thirties, early forties kept eyeing me on the low. He didn't think that I knew that he was looking my way but I caught him and he gave me this sheepish grin. I know that the girls were somewhat on display (done purposely), so all I could do was chuckle to myself.

Once I got on the train, the car that I rode in was somewhat empty. So, I pulled out my phone and started playing games. The conductor saw me and remarked that we had similar phones. Since I was sitting and he was standing, his gaze was somewhere between my phone and the girls. It was all good, though.

At the club, the music was pumping, the drinks were decent and this mama got her dance on! I even was able to make a couple of young men pleased by dancing with them. I had a lot of fun and it was a welcomed release to the end of a long week.

Well, I'm off to have brunch with my peeps! Later!!!!

What Must I Do?

What must I do to make things right when all we do lately is fuss and fight?
What must I do to set time back to when our relationship was more than alright?

How can we fix it if it's not too late?
Before we get to the point where we just hate?

What must I do, what must I do?


I heard one of my neighbors arguing loudly with his lady last night as I cleaned up and over and over again, he kept pleading, 'what must I do?' Those four words followed me into my subconsciousness and I awoke this morning with these words. Brought back a lot of memories of my own past relationships. Go figure.

So Beautiful

'Your so beautiful
Beautiful to me
Your so beautiful
God sent you here for me
How could I have known my love for you
Would grow into something so beautiful...'

Poem by nongpoknganba khabanganba

As I walked to the bus stop this morning, a young man of Hispanic descent smiled at me and stated with his heavy accent, 'You're so Beautiful.' Now usually, it's either the old, overweight, toothless men or the men who most women would consider full of crap hollering at me. In this case however, it was a genuine compliment coming from a person who meant nothing other than to cheer me up. Then, to top things off, I passed a construction worker on the way to the office and he gave men the full effort of his smile and said good morning to me. Given the stress-filled week I've had, it was a welcomed comment!

GOD sure knows when to send the angels my way!

Later...

The Power of Inspiration

I found this interesting piece while surfing the web. It's something that we all can use as we go through life's challenges-

The Power of Inspiration

INSPIRATION can be a powerful thing. It can
keep you going when all around you cries out
"quit!" It is even more powerful than motivation,
as motivation gives you your basic reasons to keep
going--it tells you why you want to do what you do,
because motivation is based on goals. These, in
turn, may be based on necessity want or desire. But
inspiration fills those reasons with hope, possibility
and enjoyment and keeps the "grind" from becoming
too grindy.

*Written by Rev. James M. Becher, Bible teacher, author of "OF SUCH IS THE KINGDOM, A Novel of Biblical Times,"

Another Asshole Gone

Well, this week we saw Don Imus end his career in about thirty seconds. I can't say that I'll miss him because what he said about the Rutger's Women's Basketball team was racist, sexist and just plain dumb. And, I never liked him. But, you know what? He was verbalizing what countless others think and we (African Americans) have only ourselves to blame. Many of my peers and people in the political world voiced that he got what he deserved. In all honesty, I don't feel that he should have been fired for it. What would it change? Suspend him for a few months, make him give out his ass but would that really take away what he said or how he feels? He stated publicly that he felt that he was going to be fired because of it and that he has a lot of money so he won't suffer. So to me, it's just another dumbass off of our airwaves while countless others remain. Besides, down the road he's gonna end up on satellite radio being paid a zillion dollars to make even cruder remarks as he's done for the past few decades.

If we really want something to come from this, we need to strong-arm the executives who allow our hip-hop artists to continue to denigrate our women everyday via the radio, videos and concerts to satisfy the communities who support this garbage (y'all know who I'm referring to). As long as we continue so say these things to each other, people will feel that it's okay if they say them to us. Millions of dollars are being made each day at the expense of minorities who use and are called the b-word, n-word and worse. Unfortunately, it's African-American artists who are being used as the catalysts to promote this garbage. So, while we snap our fingers, dance to the beat and run to buy or download this crap, think about this latest incident and who really was affected by it because it sure wasn't Don Imus.

Bad Commute, Good Deed

Well, I've been very lucky of late in that my commute to work hasn't been stressful or long. All that changed this morning. Due to the flooding rains, I had the commute from hell this morning. First, taking the bus to my train station was an adventure in itself. What is normally a ten to fifteen minute ride took almost a half hour (which is okay. Better to be safe). So, after my son and I get to the train, we find out that because of flooding at the WTC stop (my stop for work), there are no trains running in that direction.

For those who are not familiar with the PATH line, there are only two main ones. One runs from Newark, NJ to the World Trade Center in New York and the other runs from Hoboken in NJ to 33rd Street in NY. So, all of the trains were running along the 33rd street line. Good idea, right? UH, NO! Too much power being used at one time cause an outage. So, I had lots of company while we were stuck underground on the train 1/4 mile from the Christopher Street train stop in New York. No air, no noise, nothing. Needless to say, after about 30 minutes, people were anxious, hot and irritable. I kept my calm because I've learned that there's nothing you can do about things that you have not control over.

However, all things happen for a reason. There was a lady standing near me who looked as if she were about to faint. Another woman who was sitting nearby gave up her seat so the lady could sit down. My son had a bottle of water so I asked him to give some to her (which seemed to help along with air and the train finally moving). As it turned out, both ladies are from Plainfield, NJ (shout out to Stephanie and Nicky) and didn't know an alternate route to get to lower Manhattan. So, I told them that we were headed in that direction so they could travel along with us.

They were both grateful to me and my son for showing them another way to work so what began as a not so good commute turned into a good deed for the day!

A New Queen is Crowned

The Earl of Victoria reign has officially begun. My close friend and Lil Sis, TD got married yesterday to the man of her dreams. Man, the wedding was awesome and the most pleasant one I've been to in years. The bride was magnificantly beautiful and radiant and the groom was handsome and charming. Folks, this was the fairytale wedding come true and I am so happy that I had the opportunity to take part in it.


Sis, major kudos to you! All of the planning, waiting and hard work that you and Earl put in leading up to your wedding was well worth it. I love you both and wish you many, many years of love and happiness!

Also, thank you for picking out that wonderful bridesmaid dress. Mama was looking quite divaliscious! ;)

Good Times

I know, I know. I've been slacking in the blog department. Although it's been a few months since my last post, a lot has happened. Recovering from a long relationship, realizing that I'm at my peak at work, moving and prepping for my dear TD's upcoming nuptials.

Two weekends ago was her Bridal Tea and although there is dissention amongst the bridal party, things went well and she really enjoyed herself. And that's all that the ladies who played a role in it's success could ask for. Fast forward to last weekend- Bachelorette Boogie. First, we had to ensure that the covert operation remained in effect. All went well up until T minus a few hours when Miss Vic was trying to figure out how to please everyone. She is such a sweetheart cause she's constantly more concerned with other people's comfort level rather than her own. Anyways, the awesome duo of Max and Isis along with myself were able to pull off the surprise of the year (Sis, you've been Punk'd!!). We initially headed down to Second on Second where the karoake was major fun. TD was truly a queen and treated with the regality she deserves as we got her drunk, serenaded and applauded. Next, we headed down to a spot called Tribeca Cinema to our VIP spot where we shaked our booties some more.

Man, I had a lot of fun hanging out with some classy ladies! The best part of all was looking at TD's eyes and seeing that she really was happy and having fun. Good Times were had by all!

Evolving

It's a dark, rainy Sunday morning and I should feel lazy and take advantage of it but somehow, I feel that I should be doing something. I have to put away my clothes from doing laundry yesterday, get a jumpstart on preparing dinner (I've been in a strong Betty Crocker mode lately) and do my hair. Maybe it's all attributed to the 'evolution' that I've felt lately. Friday, I had dinner with TD to begin the celebration of our upcoming birthdays (Happy Birthday, Sis!) and I'd mentioned that I felt that I had evolved into a better person over the past ten years of my life. I went from being celibate to being in a long-term relationship (which recently ended), I've endured two job layoffs (which led me to the IT field, my dream career), I attended and graduated from college (another dream fulfilled) while raising my son as a single mother and I've learned so much about who I am as an African-American woman in a difficult society.

Ten years ago, I didn't go out much since I really didn't have the time, money or real desire to meet and mingle with people who I didn't know well. I was content with spending my time with my studies and my family. Now, I welcome the opportunity to network with people, talk with them and get their opinions about life. Society is a complex and strange animal and I'd like to learn as much as I can about her.

In four days, I take that leap from the thirties into the forties and to be honest, I'm totally ready. Last year when I turned 39, I was hesitant to even contemplate what turning 40 would be like for me. But, really? I can't wait! I don't look 40, I don't feel 40 and I'm not even sure how a 40 year-old should behave but do know one thing. I'm ready for it! And I'm bringing sexy back, y'all!!!

Transition

So, today was the day that I went from being securely blanketed in a relationship that wasn't nurturing in the ways that I wanted to having all of my emotions put on display so that I can take the necessary steps to find out what I'm doing wrong and correct it. I should feel relieved, thrilled, excited about my single status, right? Wrong. I am the most miserable I've felt in a while and although I know the decision I made (to end our relationship) was right for both of us, what I'm feeling right now sucks. Eleven years with the same person is a long time, married or not and some say that I was fortunate to be with him for that amount of time, given the fact that most marriages don't last as long. All that's true but it doesn't lessen the hurt that I'm feeling now. I know that in the long run, I'll pick myself up and move ahead with life but for now, it doesn't seem as though I'll ever get over the fact that the man that I loved, lived with, fought with, played with and had hoped to marry is no longer in my life on a daily basis.

More later......

Good Times

Last weekend, Terry and I took a drive to Bushkill, PA to see my friend Vanessa and her family in their new home. I hadn't driven in about four years so I was a little nervous but once I picked up the car and slid into the driver's seat, it was good times again. I was psyched when I realized that I hadn't forgotten any of the 'rules' of the road. It's just like some people say-once you learn, you never forget. How right they were. It helped that the ride that I rented was love at first sight. The Ford Escape is a comfortable SUV that gets very good highway mileage. I could tell that the rental company took good care of it cause it smelled nice and clean when I got into it.

Anyway, during the roadtrip I learned that two things will always be with me; I have and probably always will have roadrage (can't help it, folks)and I like to drive f-a-s-t. That's right. Speed demon was on the road! Once we got on 280W, I had to focus really hard not to drive 80 mph. Yeah, I was cognizant of the speedlimits but damnit, I wanted to keep up with the hundreds of other cars that were going way faster than I was!

Although we got somewhat lost, we made it to 'Nessa's place and was met by her middle son(Kyle) who I hadn't seen in a minute. All of the boys has grown at least three inches taller since I'd last seen them but they all remebered Terry and "RahRah" (that's the nickname they gave me when they were little because they couldn't pronounce 'Robin'. TD, don't even think about calling me that :)).

Their house is absolutely beautiful. The rooms are nice and spacious, the deck is awesome and the garage is HUGE. I am quite proud of their accomplishment because Vanessa, Brian (her husband) and I moved into the same apartment building two weeks apart back in 1993. So, to see them transition from the small, cramped two-bedroom apartment to this point was a good feeling. All of their closest friends, family members and co-workers showed their support of this venture and you could feel lots of love flowing throughout. We ate, drank, reminisced and enjoyed each others company well into the night. Some folks left early to beat the setting son but we chilled until the next morning before returning to Jersey. Since I'm considered 'family', I have carte blance to visit anytime I want. Best to believe that I'll be making periodic trips to their neck of the woods.

The Beginning of the End

So, in a littlle over five weeks from now I will be a single woman again. What has been contemplation, resignation and indecision for the better half of seven months has finally come to a resolution. On Saturday morning, my boyfriend informed me that he'd booked a flight to the West Coast and that he would be leaving in Mid-September. I wasn't shocked by this information as I knew this day would come. However, it didn't make it any easier to hear. Then, he looked deep into my eyes and told me that he loved me and was going to miss me very much. I was okay at that point so we proceeded to go over the details of when his flight was, how he was going to ship his things, etc. For the first time in months, we had a really cordial conversation void of any yelling, screaming or accusations. He took me out to various places Saturday and yesterday and I have to admit that we had a good time and enjoyed each other's company. Of course, there was sex involved but it was more bittersweet than anything. However, this morning the magnitude of the weekend's events hit me head on and I've been trying to keep it together. I know that GOD forewarned me that this day would arrive, I guess I just wasn't as prepared as I first thought.